Sunday, December 22, 2013

ZP Anniversary Sale

Picture the scene: It’s the last days of 2012 and in a dank basement in some flyover state nobody can point to on the map, Ryan Sayles paces anxiously behind the hunched figure of Brain Panowich as he feverishly taps away on an old typewriter. Ryan’s meds ran out days ago and Brian knows it’s only a matter of time before there is another ‘incident ’with the neighbor’s chinchilla. He glances at his Hello Kitty watch and then over at Chuck Regan. Chuck is sitting on the filthy mattress in the corner; hugging himself, rocking backwards and forwards. His fingers stained with crayon and blood. He is talking to himself—mumbling really, something about Martians and Ayn Rand. Brian knows it’s all up to him now...
Several hours and one ‘incident’ later, Zelmer Pulp is born and the world of genre fiction gets a zombie wedgie with the release of C’MON AND DO THE APOCOLYPSE.  Surprisingly, a few people actually bought it (not me) and further genrecide followed. 
To celebrate the fact that Zelmer Pulp has now existed for a whole year and nobody has died or been arrested, the first three ZP titles are now on sale for only 99 cents / 77 pence until the end of 2013. And if you’re too cheap to spend a lousy buck, you can pick up Brian Panowich’s first Harmon Brown yarn, BABY JUICE for free.  
So treat yourself and then treat your friends and then treat yourself again.

Go on, it’s Christmas.  ZELMER PULP SALE

Thursday, December 19, 2013

A 2013 Selfie

2013 has been a pretty good year for me. I wanted to do more, but real life kind of got in the way of fiction. Ah well, there's always next year. I would just like to say a big thank you to all the good people who spent their hard earned cash on one or more of these books. It's okay if you didn't, I still love you, just not quite as much.
Happy holidays folks!

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Steve Wenta

(Copyright Steve Wenta)

I was saddened to hear the news that artist, Steve Wenta passed away unexpectedly this week. I only came to know Steve recently through his vivid cover art for the Demonic Visions series of horror anthologies I have been involved in. While I didn’t know Steve well, I do know he had a hell of a talent and that he will be sorely missed. This is a shitty time of year to lose a loved one and my thoughts now are with his family.
Rest in peace Steve.   

Thursday, December 12, 2013

That Escalated Quickly!

You probably thought  Zelmer Pulp were sleeping it off under a freeway overpass somewhere and that our particular brand of awesome was on hold until after holidays, or at least until we found Brian Panowich, who was last seen heading west in a stolen Camaro with a transvestite table dancer. The thing is we never sleep, at least not without prescription meds. So just in time for the holidays here is something a little bit special from our very own red-suited fat guy with a reindeer fetish, Ryan Sayles.  

Flash fiction doesn’t leave a lot of room for build-up, so it’s best to start by going for the throat and seeing where it leads. In these stories Ryan Sayles does just that. He turns on a dim light and leads the reader down an already claustrophobic path. Active shooter event? Check. Ugly, failed relationships? Check. Dope fiends making smart decisions? Check. People seeking out roadkill because that’s the deepest relationship they can handle? Check. Putting on a soiled Easter Bunny costume to say goodbye the hard way to your former office colleagues who all foolishly thought they had the last laugh? Check and double check. Each story is like an unmarked pill; just swallow it and see what happens. C’mon. It’ll be fun.
The ability to tell a story with only one or two thousand words that stays with a person for days afterwards is a rare talent. Ryan Sayles knows this, and what’s more he has that talent. Read “Uncluttering” and then tell me I’m wrong. These 22 stories are some of the best edgy fiction you will find anywhere, period. And I’m not just saying that because Ryan is a buddy (he doesn't read this blog anyway.) I’m saying it because I believe it.

THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY is out now in both print and e-book. You may hammer down when ready.


Saturday, December 7, 2013


Hey, you there. Take a look at my JUNK!

Well, not just my junk, there are eight of us in total. In fact you could say this is an orgy of junk. Back in the summer our man in India, Chris Rhatigan and my brother from another mother, Ryan Sayles came up with the idea of putting together a collection of amusing stories and invited a few guys to contribute something funny.
The end result is a wild collection of truly hilarious stories from: Eric Beetner, Danger Slater, Andrew Hilbert, Jason Armstrong, David James Keaton, Chris Rhatigan, Ryan Sayles and me. The multi-talented Eric Beetner also provided the cover. I’m assuming the picture he used is a selfie.
My contribution is “The Brow Beating Heavy Leather Repossession Shuffle.” A story set in the fictional Tennessee town of Saylesberg and featuring: car jacking, dwarfs, cougars, some guy in a moo-moo, a bank heist and a big rubber dick. My writing has been making people laugh unintentionally for years, so this was a great opportunity to try and do it on purpose.
JUNK is the perfect antidote to seasonal holiday stress. Buy one for yourself and then buy more for your friends. In fact, buy one for everybody; Great Auntie Maude will love it. The e-book can be yours for a lousy buck. My sister told me she laughed so hard she fell of the couch while reading it. So strap yourself (or Auntie Maude) in and cop a feel of our JUNK.

Go on, I won’t tell anybody.