A 2013 Selfie

2013 has been a pretty good year for me. I wanted to do more, but real life kind of got in the way of fiction. Ah well, there's always next year. I would just like to say a big thank you to all the good people who spent their hard earned cash on one or more of these books. It's okay if you didn't, I still love you, just not quite as much.

Happy holidays folks!

No Batteries Required - FREE Analog Robots

Hey look, free shit!

One thing I've noticed recently is that 97.6% of all giveaways on Goodreads etc. are limited to those who reside in the good old US of A. So just for a change, here's one for this side of the pond (that's the side that drinks tea with milk and drives on the left).




If you live in the UK and would like to own a print copy of HEY, THAT ROBOT ATE MY BABY, but are too skint or tight to buy one then listen up, because I'm giving one away for free. 

When Orson Scott Card, author of the bestselling sci-fi novel ENDER'S GAME was asked to comment on Zelmer Pulp's science fiction magnum opus he had this to say: "This is private property, get out before I call security. And put your pants back on."

So there you have it. I'll even spring for the postage and sign the damn thing if you want me to, although I should point out that my signature will put a significant dent in any potential resale value. 

To be in with a shout of winning this magnificent tome, just leave a comment on this post. Let's make June 16th the cut off date, after which time I will pick the winner at random, possibly from a hat. In the (quite likely) event of nobody bothering to comment by the 16th, then forget about it, the deals off.  Got it? Well then, what are you waiting for?

While we are on the subject, HEY, THAT ROBOT ATE MY BABY, has received a couple of killer five star reviews recently (take a look HERE if you don't believe me). But we can always use a few more, so belly up to the bar people.

Calling All Intergalactic Word Slingers

Are you an android who dreams of electric sheep? Can you bulls-eye a womp rat from your T-16? Then you might be just the person we are looking for. Zelmer Pulp needs a couple of space cadets to test drive our latest release HEY, THAT ROBOT ATE MY BABY!” Hit me up here if you are a book reviewer with a penchant for all things Sci-Fi.

The madmen that brought you 2012's legendary zombie epic, C'MON AND DO THE APOCALYPSE, are back in your face for the second wave, and this time they brought friends.

Joining Sayles and Panowich on their latest voyage into the world of Science Fiction are three of the hottest writers of genre fiction in the biz, Chris Leek, Isaac Kirkman, and ZELMER PULP cover artist Chuck Regan. 5 distinct voices, and 5 mind-bending tales to astonish and offend.

This ain't your Daddy's Science Fiction. This is Zelmer Pulp: Hey, That Robot Ate My Baby!

ZELMER PULP – Hey, That Robot Ate My Baby!

I’ll admit it, I’m excited. The past three months have been a roller coaster ride of tears, laughter, uncontrollable flatulence and Aquaman jokes. The end result is the new release from Zelmer Pulp “Hey, That Robot Ate My Baby!”

Like Han Solo said, “Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.” And if it’s a stone cold blast of Pulp Sci-Fi that you’re after then check this out.

The madmen that brought you 2012's legendary zombie epic, C'MON AND DO THE APOCALYPSE VOL 1, are back in your face for the second wave, and this time they brought friends.

Joining Sayles and Panowich on their latest voyage into the world of Science Fiction are three of the hottest writers of genre fiction in the biz, Chris Leek, Isaac Kirkman, and ZELMER PULP cover artist Chuck Regan.

HEY,THAT ROBOT ATE MY BABY VOL. 1 features 5 distinct voices, and 5 mind-bending tales to astonish and offend.

Notice that part about offending? Well, that’s largely down to me, I left the astonishing to the other guys. We are all damn proud of the interstellar magnificence that lurks behind an amazing cover crafted by Zelmer’s own Chuck Regan. We also have a kick-ass introduction written by friend, mentor and President of the Universe, Joe Clifford.

The Kindle version is hot to trot right now and old school print style will be here in around a week. Please buy it and make a happy man very old. 10c from every book purchased will be donated to the Kansas City shelter for sexually abused emus*

Amazon US

Amazon UK

*This is a lie

Zelmer Pulp - Keep watching the skies

Citizens of Earth, the countdown has begun for a full on assault of the Sci-Fi genre by ZELMER PULP.

All the stories for our next release: HEY, THAT ROBOT ATE MY BABY! Have been turned in and as we speak they are being formatted for world domination.

It's an ambitious book for us, and we think it can hold its own with anything out there. So look out for it later this month, and don't say we didn't warn you. This ain't your daddy's science fiction. Here are some teasers, just to get you in the mood.

GEEK SQUAD 2.0  by Brian Panowich - In the 60’s and 70’s they did it with a bullet. In the 80’s and 90’s they did it with the media, but today if you want someone dead, it’s as easy as a Google search. The Geek Squad, bringing assassination to the modern age, but still can’t get dates for the prom.

WHEREVER THE LIGHT ENDS by Ryan Sayles - In 1947, twin sisters disappear from the face of the Earth during the most horrific experience of their lives. Later they are found, and they have new parents, new scars and a desire for a new life. When they die in 2012, shut-ins and with no family and no friends, the results of that one disappearance mark the end for mankind.

THIS PROTEAN LOVE by Isaac Kirkman - Adelita Salazar, the last living border agent of her precinct patrols the Tierras Oscuras, the Dark Lands, in search of her missing brother, encountering killers, and refugees, human, and machine in a futuristic world where the nature of reality is as uncertain as her future.

TIMEJACKED: THE RAND PARADOX by Chuck Regan - In the 24th Century, the ultimate form of vanity is to create a personal alternate Earth timeline. Chlör Byzantine, a B-Grade web celebrity, travels to 1957 to stop Ayn Rand from ruining the future... but she is ready and waiting for him.

THE WHORES OF GOD by Chris Leek - Earth in the 22nd Century is a nice place to visit, but you wouldn’t want to live there; the moral majority has taken a stand and if you want your kicks in 2132 you have to go off-world to get them. In the international waters of deep space everything is available, for a price. Jensen Corduroy is on a mission to get laid, but the Reverend Ellroy has a much higher purpose, he is on a mission from God.

In the meantime go and ‘Like’ us on Facebook to keep your finger on the Zelmer pulse:  ZELMER PULP

A Legend is Born

 

Back in the hedonistic days of 2012 Ryan Sayles and Brian Panowich were writers who plied their trade in the gritty world of noir. All that changed one bourbon soaked evening when they struck upon the idea of writing some shit about zombies instead. They enlisted the mighty talents of Chuck Regan and Zelmer Pulp was born.

Zelmer Pulp's first release, C’mon And Do The Apocalypse, Volume 1 hit the street around the same time as the Mayans lost count and has to date earned several (mostly) rave reviews and some discount coupons for dry cleaning.

Not satisfied with this seemingly unmatchable success the trio pushed on and sort out the suave and sophisticated Isaac Kirkman for his incredible writing ability and to help them get girls. When I mentioned that I still had the photos of Ryan and the chinchilla I too was invited aboard.

Now we few, we happy few, we band of brothers are working our fingers to the bone in basements, trailer parks and dry out centers across the globe to bring you the very last word in Sci-fi , Hey! That Robot Ate My Baby, Volume 1.

At Zelmer Pulp we set out to provide you with the very best in retro-futuristic, pulp hero, dark crime, monster noir, and neoclassical post-apocalyptic multi-generation uber-exploitive psychodrama. We also do seasonal recipe books.

So tell your friends there’s a new sheriff in town and make sure you like us on Facebook because we're all really needy and just wanna be adored.

Click here to Visit Zelmer Pulp on Facebook and keep watching the skies people.


Buy from Amazon



Pony Up

Super cool pen jockey and all round good guy Victor Gischler has a proposition for you. No, not that sort of proposition.
Mr.G. is working on the long awaited sequel to that barnstorming thrill feast that was Go-Go Girls of the Apocalypse.

Go-Go Girls of the Apocalypse II: The Luxury Wars. After "the fall" the only enclaves of civilization are a chain of Go-Go clubs called Joey Armageddon's Sassy A-Go-Go. But when the clubs are overrun by violent mobs, civilization takes a giant step backwards. Now, the people with the guns and the food hold up behind walls and fences. But soon the warlords of this new dark age long for luxuries of the past. Sure they can brew up some bathtub gin for their martinis, but just where the heck do you get a jar of olives? Did you ever wake up in the morning and think "I would kill for a cup of coffee"? Well, in this post-apocalyptic world, those words are meant literally, and a person could get rich providing luxury items to those who can afford it. But beware! Risking your neck on luxury scavenger hunts doesn't always turn out well for those involved.

Like the sound of it? Want to read it? Good, then get your wallet out. You know Jules, the one that says Bad Mother****er on it.

Victor is flying solo on this one and is looking for your help. 3000 bones is the target to get this baby airborne, so get over to Kickstarter and climb aboard. A lousy five bucks is all it will take to get you a copy of this literary masterpiece. But hold on there's more, drop a ten spot and you'll also get your name up in lights on the 'thanks buddy' page of the book. If you think that's pretty cool, just wait until you see what more green will buy you!


Click here and make it happen: Go-Go Girls of the Apocalypse II