Show Me The Love

I’m delighted to say that Gospel of the Bullet has snagged the Dark Corners Magazine Golden Goodis award for best western novella of 2014.

Editor, Craig McNeely had this to say of my western magnum opus: “Leek has written a thought-provoking action-packed western novella that will remind you why you like these sort of tales. Someone needs to grab the movie rights to this one ASAP.”

Gospel also made the ‘Notable Reads of 2014’ list over at the prestigious review site Dead End Follies.

“A novella that dares to stand above the confines of very niche and impenetrable genre, therefore shining positive light on a century old writing tradition.”

I’d like to say a big thank you to both of these fine pulp institutions. If you want to see what all of the fuss is about, you can just click the linkey thing on the right. 

Okay, I know, I said I was done looking back at 2014, but I'm kind of proud of this stuff, so you'll have to let me have this one.

The Good, The Bad And The Books

You’ll have to excuse the tumbleweeds blowing around this place of late. It’s been a crazy few weeks here in the Leek household. In between running around the country with the day job, Georgie and I celebrated our 18^th wedding anniversary.  I ain’t nobody’s bargain and putting up with me for that length of time is no mean achievement on her part. The following weekend our Katie turned 21. Both of these events resulted in me getting slightly drunk and a little sentimental, but I figure I was probably entitled. We also had a real scare when my niece, Marina had to undergo emergency surgery. Thankfully she is fine now and recovering well.

While all of this was going on in the real world I have been burning the midnight oil in an attempt not to blow a DEMONIC VISIONS deadline and trying to keep on top of all the other stuff that goes along with having three books drop in the space of a week.

THE BIG ADIOS western digest, which I edit with head honcho, Ron Phillips and deputy dawg, Ryan Sayles made the leap from webzine to quarterly print and e-book. The debut issue features killer stories from the likes of Tom Pitts, Jim Wilsky, Aidan Thorn and ZP’s own Gareth Spark.

Hot on the heels of TBA was another debut, this time in the form of Craig McNeely’s DARK CORNERS. Weighing in at nearly 300 pages this pulp spectacular has reviews, interviews and some really great fiction. I have a western in this inaugural issue, which lines up alongside crime, noir and sci-fi in a glorious smorgasbord of pulp and genre fiction. ZP are well represented here too with both Chuck Regan and Ryan Sayles in the mix. Craig and his team have produced a hell of a magazine. Seriously, you should buy it.
 

Finally, this week saw the much anticipated (at least by me) release of my western novella GOSPEL OF THE BULLET. I can’t tell you how much that means to me, but I can tell you how grateful I am to Ron Phillips and ONE EYE PRESS for publishing it. A big shout also has to go out to my uber-talented ZP brother, Chuck Regan for creating the gorgeous cover. The initial reaction to GOSPEL has been universally positive and also little overwhelming.  If you have dropped your dime on it already then thank you, I hope you dig it.

The next few weeks should see a return to calmer waters, as another Chris once said, it’s been emotional.  

 

Chatterrific: Chris Leek talks GOSPEL OF THE BULLET

I'm over at Chatteriffic today, talking with Gerald So about my new novella, GOSPEL OF THE BULLET and all things western.

Chatterrific: Chris Leek talks GOSPEL OF THE BULLET: Mitchel McCann may have lost a war, but he never lost his belief. The preacher kept his faith throughout all the blood and the dying; trad...

The All New Badass Big Adios

         

Originating as a weekly online western fiction magazine, The Big Adios has graduated to a quarterly print digest with this debut issue featuring the works of David James Keaton, Tom Pitts, Jim Wilsky, Dawn Vogel, Paul Lorello, Robert Lowell Russell, Coy Hall, Aidan Thorn, Gareth Spark and Christopher Davis. Here you will find the west in all its guises. We’ve got the weird and the wild and a whole lot more besides.

The debut edition is out on 22^nd September in both dead tree and electronic formats. You can pre-order it right HERE for your kindle doodad for the princely sum of a buck 99.

The Gospel According To OEP

From the dark, weed smoke-entombed van came an English accented voice "Come, we have such sights to show you." – Brian Panowich.

As summer starts to fade like the beach town radio station on your long drive home. it's time for me to congratulate myself on avoiding the clutches of the reaper for another year. And it’s also time to get back in the saddle and tell you a little bit about my upcoming western novella, GOSPEL OF THE BULLET.  Well, actually it’s Ron Earl Phillips, head honcho of One Eye Press who is doing the telling, but I’m sure you’re good with that.

ONE EYE PRESS is excited as we hit the 6 week window to the release of our first western novella, GOSPEL OF THE BULLET by Chris Leek.
As a tease, please enjoy the cover reveal with art by C D REGAN. Chuck, as we know him, is a talented creator – designer, artist and writer – the whole enchilada. You can see some of his outstanding work in and on the many excellent ZELMER PULP collections.

GOSPEL OF THE BULLET by Chris Leek
Release Date: September 30, 2014
Price: $7.95 print $3.50 digital

Mitchel McCann may have lost a war, but he never lost his belief. The preacher kept his faith throughout all the blood and the dying; trading his pulpit for a saddle and delivering his sermons with a brace of Walker Colts. McCann still believes in God, but he is no longer sure that God believes in him. Now fate has given him a chance at redemption; the opportunity to save a life instead of taking one.

Justice Simpson was only seven years old when she lost father. She has been losing steadily ever since. The Yankee ball that did for Dan Simpson also killed his wife, Rosalee, although it took another nine years to do it. Alone and destitute on the unforgiving streets of Saint Joseph, Missouri, Justice knows that the sooner or later the bullet will find her too.

In the winter of 1872 the war is long over, but on the Kansas—Missouri border old wounds are slow to heal and they leave ugly scars. The past is something that neither the preacher nor the girl can escape.

All I can add to that are my thanks, firstly to Ron for making this happen and also to my ZP brother, Chuck for making it look drop dead gorgeous. As birthday’s go, this one is shaping up to be pretty good. 

The Big Adios Submission and Release Schedule

Just in case you missed it, here's a quick update on TBA.

The editors of The Big Adios would like to thank everyone for a successful submission cycle. Our first cycle concluded yesterday, April 14th. A lot of good stories that should fill our first two issues. We do apologize for delays in responding to submissions, but we don’t want to make any quick decisions and we will be reviewing the final stories over the next couple weeks with final decisions by May 1st.

You guys have made it hard to decide. Because this is our first magazine release, balancing production and standards we have decided to delay the release of issue 1 until September 8th, with the second issue falling in the first/second week of December. We want to make this just right for our readers and our contributors.

Thank you for your support and good luck to those eying final selections.

Gospel of the Bullet

I’m delighted to be able to tell you that One Eye Press will be publishing my western novella, GOSPEL OF THE BULLET. Here’s the official word.


Knights and Preachers, One Eye Press Announces New Singles.
On the coattails of the release of Federales by Christopher Irvin, One Eye Press is enthusiastic in announcing the next two releases from the Singles Line.

To those who picked up a copy of Federales our next release for June 10th is no surprise. White Knight by Bracken MacLeod has a little excerpt included in the back of the debut Singles release. Bracken hit One Eye Press by storm last year with submissions being accepted in all three publications: Shotgun Honey, Reloaded: Both Barrels Vol. 2, and The Big Adios. And with the release of his first novel, Mountain Home, when we were offered a chance read his novella White Knight, how could we say no?

White Knight by Bracken MacLeod (June 10, 2014)

Once, he had imagined himself slaying dragons and making the monsters pay. But his armor was wearing thin as the women who drifted through his office haunted him with the same, hard-bought lie: “I want to drop the charges.” Every bruised face and split lip reminded the prosecutor of the broken home he’d escaped. So when Marisol Pierce appeared with an image of her son and a hint that she was willing to take a step away from the man abusing her, he made a promise he couldn’t keep.

A promise that could cost him everything.

Now, he’s in a race against time to find the boy, save the damsel, and himself from a dragon no one can leash before everything in his world is burned to cinders. This is his last chance to be a White Knight.

Some men only know how to do hard things the hard way.

Our third novella is a western that tests a man’s faith in Gospel of the Bullet by Chris Leek. Chris Leek is also a contributor to Shotgun Honey and Reloaded: Both Barrels Vol. 2, and has  been a valuable editor for The Big Adios. The man spins a fantastic western yarn that we’d swear that he has Missouri mud shipped to the UK just so he can become one with the West.

Gospel of the Bullet by Chris Leek (September 16, 2014)

Mitchel McCann may have lost a war, but he never lost his belief. The preacher kept his faith throughout all the blood and the dying; trading his pulpit for a saddle and delivering his sermons with a brace of Walker Colts. McCann still believes in God, but he is no longer sure that God believes in him. Now fate has given him a chance at redemption; the opportunity to save a life instead of taking one.

Justice Simpson was only seven years old when she lost her father. She has been losing steadily ever since. The Yankee ball that did in Dan Simpson also killed his wife, Rosalee, although it took another nine years to do it. Alone and destitute on the unforgiving streets of Saint Joseph, Missouri, Justice knows that the sooner or later the bullet will find her too.

In the winter of 1872 the war is long over, but on the Kansas—Missouri border old wounds are slow to heal and they leave ugly scars. The past is something that neither the preacher nor the girl can escape.

Chris Irvin and Bracken MacLeod are both damn fine writers and I’m honored to be in such esteemed company.

GOSPEL OF THE BULLET was a real blast to write and it’s a book that’s very close to my heart. I’m really stoked that y’all are going to get the chance to read it.

See, I told you the western ain’t dead!

Adios Pardner

It’s time to say a big adios to The Big Adios, well, sort of. A little over a year since we started publishing online, the best short western fiction site on the web is breaking camp and heading off into the sunset. The last story will be published on the website next month. We were fortunate to host some damn fine stories from some very talented writers, unfortunately submission levels never really got out of second gear.

I’m not entirely sure why. It’s not as if there are a whole lot of other places putting out quality westerns. No doubt some of you are now nodding your heads in an, I told you so kind of way and saying how the western is deader than disco. I have made my views known on that subject before, both here and at the ZP BLOG. This isn’t the end of the road for the western or for The Big Adios.

Head Honcho, Ron Earl Phillips has taken the bull by the horns and in May 2014, in conjunction with Ron’s publishing company, One Eye Press, The Big Adios will begin a new life as a quarterly western magazine, featuring 10 thrilling short stories inspired by the Wild West and will be available in both digital and print formats. For all you writers out there, The Big Adios will now be a paying market.

We are accepting submissions through until April 14th to fill the slots for issues 1 and 2. If you are familiar the guidelines on the website then you already have a good idea of what we want, only this time we are looking for stories up to 5000 words, so you now have plenty of space to fully develop your characters and plots.   

I enjoy a good tale of blood, grit and bullets as much as the next guy. But see that box? Good. Now try to think outside it. I would love to read a story about the black cowboys of the Oklahoma Range, or the Asian-American soldiers who fought on both sides during the civil war, or the silver boom towns of Nevada or any one of a thousand other stories that are still waiting to be told. And remember, the American West still exists today; it’s the feel of the story that is important, not necessarily the time or even the place in which it is set.

Full details are available on the ONE EYE PRESS SUBMISSIONS page, so hop on over and as 80’s rock goddess, Pat Benatar once said: hit us with your best shot.

In the meantime please continue to stop by THE BIG ADIOS website; we have some really great stories scheduled to round things off over there.

 

ZP Anniversary Sale

Picture the scene: It’s the last days of 2012 and in a dank basement in some flyover state nobody can point to on the map, Ryan Sayles paces anxiously behind the hunched figure of Brain Panowich as he feverishly taps away on an old typewriter. Ryan’s meds ran out days ago and Brian knows it’s only a matter of time before there is another ‘incident ’with the neighbor’s chinchilla. He glances at his Hello Kitty watch and then over at Chuck Regan. Chuck is sitting on the filthy mattress in the corner; hugging himself, rocking backwards and forwards. His fingers stained with crayon and blood. He is talking to himself—mumbling really, something about Martians and Ayn Rand. Brian knows it’s all up to him now...

Several hours and one ‘incident’ later, Zelmer Pulp is born and the world of genre fiction gets a zombie wedgie with the release of C’MON AND DO THE APOCOLYPSE.  Surprisingly, a few people actually bought it (not me) and further genrecide followed. 

To celebrate the fact that Zelmer Pulp has now existed for a whole year and nobody has died or been arrested, the first three ZP titles are now on sale for only 99 cents / 77 pence until the end of 2013. And if you’re too cheap to spend a lousy buck, you can pick up Brian Panowich’s first Harmon Brown yarn, BABY JUICE for free.  

So treat yourself and then treat your friends and then treat yourself again.

Go on, it’s Christmas.  ZELMER PULP SALE

A 2013 Selfie

2013 has been a pretty good year for me. I wanted to do more, but real life kind of got in the way of fiction. Ah well, there's always next year. I would just like to say a big thank you to all the good people who spent their hard earned cash on one or more of these books. It's okay if you didn't, I still love you, just not quite as much.

Happy holidays folks!

Hell and Gone

It’s all about the western right now and just to continue the theme, my story HELL AND GONE is up at THE BIG ADIOS today. I submitted this one back in the summer and I guess Ron Earl Phillips and Ryan Sayles must have liked it, because not only did they agree to publish it, but I also got offered an editors chair. I’m grateful for both.

The story is set on the Kansas / Missouri border towards the end of the Civil War. I have long been fascinated by this period of America's history and especially by the bloody, brutal and often short lives of the Missouri Guerrillas under the command of William Quantrill and Bill Anderson. These men rode hard, fought hard and ultimately died hard. Some of those who survived the war went on to become notorious outlaws such as Frank and Jesse James and Cole Younger. There is no doubt that the Guerrillas put a lot of the blood into 'Bloody Kansas', although to many living across the state line in Missouri they were seen as heroes, rather than murderers. I think the truth probably lays somewhere in the middle.  

HELL AND GONE introduces the character of Mitchel McCann; a preacher with Southern sympathies who worships his own particular kind of religion.  You’ll be seeing a lot more of him and his adopted daughter, Justice in my novella GOSPEL OF THE BULLET, which will be out sometime early next year. But for now go and get yourself to HELL AND GONE. I hope you dig it.

 

Five Broken Winchesters

Get it here!

It seems only fitting that I should be a whole week late in blogging about the release of Zelmer Pulp’s new Western collection. FIVE BROKEN WINCHESTERS has been subject to a metric ton of delays, at one time I actually thought we might never get there. But thanks largely to the efforts of Brian Panowich, Chuck Regan and stand up dude, Lincoln Crisler we now have a book—a damn good one too—featuring seven tales of the Weird and indeed the Wild West, written by the Zelmer Pulp team and special guests Ron Earl Phillips and Heath Lowrance.

Most of you will know Ron Earl Phillips as the head honcho of Shotgun Honey and The Big Adios. Ron has published all of the Zelmer crew at one time or another and we are delighted to have his traditional western story, ‘The Last Shot’ in the collection.

Heath Lowrance is another guy who needs no introduction, which is a little ironic seeing as he wrote the one for FIVE BROKEN WINCHESTERS. Heath also contributed a fantastic flash story featuring his hard-eyed righter of wrongs and legend of the Weird West, Hawthorne.
 

This edition also features killer tales from the Zelmer Pulp entertainment collective: Isaac Kirkman, Ryan Sayles, Brian ‘Yeti Chop’ Panowich and Chuck Regan, who also painted the cover and once again humbled us with both his artistic and his sexual...err, I mean literary prowess.

My humble contribution, ‘The Guns of Justice’ sees the debut of my scarred bounty hunting heroine, Justice McCann. Here’s a little taster to hopefully whet you appetite and loosen you wallet.

The Jailhouse door banged open, bringing down dust from the rafters and toppling the stack of papers on Wade Pollock’s desk.

“Goddammit!”  Wade said, shading his eyes against the bright spring sunshine that invaded his office.

A man stood in the doorway, he was nearly as wide as he was tall and looked about ready to chew up iron and shit out nails. Wade knew him right off; his picture was pinned up across from his desk. The wanted poster showed a buzzard-eyed killer with a huge beard. It was a good likeness. But Cory Johnson could only truly be appreciated by seeing him in the flesh. Wade twisted in his seat, reaching for the gun belt that hung on the back of his chair.

 “Where’s the sheriff?”

The female voice stopped Wade cold, his gun half clear of its holster. There was a dull smack as wood met meat and Johnson collapsed to his knees with a grunt. Behind him stood a girl—or at least something close to a girl—holding an old Baker side-by-side, stock first.

“You’re lookin’ at him,” Wade said continuing to pull his piece in spite of the fact that he could now see Johnson’s hands were tightly bound, or maybe because of it. 

The girl leaned and spat tobacco juice into the coffee can by the door. It gave Wade a good look at her face and the terrible scars she carried there.

“What happened to Miller?” she asked.

“Been dead about a month, I’m running things around here now. Wade Pollock’s the name.”

“In that case, this here belongs to you,” she said flatting Johnson completely with a well-aimed kick to his kidneys.

Wade looked from the gasping Cory Johnson to the girl and then to the crowd that had gathered in the street outside. “You best come in then, and close the door, that is unless you want the whole damn town knowing our business.”

***
 

FIVE BROKEN WINCHESTERS is available right now for your high-fluting Kindle machine and we are currently engaged in large scale deforestation to bring you a dead tree version by the end of the week. So have and it, or as we say here at Zelmer Pulp, Hammer Down!  

 

 

Ten More Shots

The Big Adios is open for submissions. We are looking for western stories, both the traditional kind and the speculative or genre mashing variety. How about sending us something noir, with more grit than Rooster Cogburn, or maybe some western style sci-fi, or steampunk?  We are open to pushing the boundaries, just so long as the story is well told and relevant or strongly associated with the American West or themes common to the genre. 

The one thing we really don’t dig is western romance. We deal in lead, friend; not bodice-ripping yarns, so please don’t send them to us. That also goes for anything containing gratuitous rape or gay torture porn (yes, we have been sent that sort of stuff in the past).

We have some really great stories coming up over the next few weeks from the likes of: David Cousland, Robert Bailey and Chuck Regan. At the last count we only had ten slots remaining for 2013, so are you gonna do something or just stand there and bleed?

Hit us up at: The Big Adios

Bonus points are on offer if you can name both of the movies I just stole lines from.

All Points West

Hey, there’s a new sheriff in town. Well, a new deputy anyway. I’m excited to be joining Ron Earl Phillips and Ryan Sayles as a submissions editor on the western fiction magazine THE BIG ADIOS. I was fortunate enough to have my story, SEEDS published there a while ago and I have long been an admirer of the quality stories hosted on the site from such great great western writers as David Cranmer and Heath Lowrance.

Submissions are always open for high quality western fiction, so get to it!

Talking of Heath Lowrance, I’m delighted to tell you that the forthcoming Zelmer Pulp collection, FIVE BROKEN WINCHESTERS will now include a story from Heath, featuring his hard eyed righter of wrongs, Hawthorne. Heath is one of my favorite writers and I’m stoked that he will be joining the ZP posse for this one.

This collection will feature some superb stories that range across the whole spectrum of western fiction from: Chuck Regan, Isaac Kirkman, Brian Panowich, Ryan Sayles and special guest, Ron Earl Phillips. FIVE BROKEN WINCHESTERS will also be the first outing for my ‘deadlier than the male’ Bounty Hunter, Justice McCann in a hard hitting story of blood and revenge called THE GUNS OF JUSTICE (see what I did there.)

If you want a taste of what Zelmer Pulp has in store for the Wild and Weird West, then I suggest you fill your hand with Brian Panowich’s cracking Harmon Brown yarn, BABY JUICE or indeed any of Heath Lowrance’s excellent HAWTHORNE novellas.

Well, are you gonna pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?

The West Is Just About To Get Weird

Get it here!

Zelmer Pulp is headed west later this month with our new epic collection FIVE BROKEN WINCHESTERS. This time we have invited a friend along and Shotgun Honey supremo, Ron Earl Phillips will also be saddling up to join the Zelmer Posse.

FIVE BROKEN WINCHESTERS spans the whole arc of the western genre from hard-boiled traditional stories of blood and revenge to science fiction and weird western horror. The full line up is as follows:

Obsidian by Ryan Sayles
Red December (A Harmon Brown Yarn) by Brian Panowich
The Atheist by Isaac Kirkman
The Ballad of Jeremy Diggitt by Chuck Regan
The Guns of Justice by Chris Leek
The Last Shot by special guest, Ron Earl Phillips

FIVE BROKEN WINCHESTERS will be available in both e-book and print editions. We are again fortunate that the exceptionally talented Chuck Regan will be providing the book's original cover art. Keep an eye on the Zelmer Pulp website for further updates. This is also the place to go for details of our other publications, special offers, Ryan's transvestite fashion tips and to download our recipe for armadillo and squirrel burritos. 

If you want a little taste of what’s on offer, (the westerns that is, not the burritos) then why not pick up a copy of Brain Panowich’s first Harmon Brown Yarn, BABY JUICE, which is available now for a paltry sum on Amazon. So as Deputy Marshall Rooster Cogburn once said "Fill your hand you son-of-a-b*tch."

Roadkill Review: Manhunter's Mountain by Wayne Dundee

Click to Buy

Manhunter’s Mountain is a novel or perhaps more accurately a novella, featuring Edward A. Grainger’s outlaw marshal, Cash Laramie. This time Wayne Dundee is the word slinger holding the reins.

Cash Laramie is in the small mining town of Silver Gulch, hot on the trail of the fugitive Lobo Ames. It’s a race against time to get Ames and get off the mountain before snow closes the pass. The Marshall gets his man alright, but that’s only part of the problem. Winter is hard in Silver Gulch and Cash isn’t the only one desperate to get out. Faye and Little Red are the town’s only entertainment and by agreeing to take them with him, Cash doesn’t exactly endear himself to the locals.

This is a strong, gritty story with plenty of action. While I’ll admit to preferring Edward Grainger’s own take on Cash, Wayne Dundee delivers a solid narrative. The pace never lets up and there are some great set piece showdowns.

Cash Laramie and his sometimes partner Gideon Miles are inspired creations. They are exactly the kind of hard, edgy characters I love to read and to write. For me, their brand of rough justice always makes for a fine hard-boiled western.

Saddle Up

Evening Ma’am *tips hat*

Well, today sees my debut in the wonderful world of western fiction. I grew up on a full fat diet old western movies, they were my mom’s favorites and both Clint and The Duke loomed large in my childhood. So when Shotgun Honey guru and all round good guy Ron Earl Phillips mentioned he was setting up The Big Adios, my first thought was hell yes I want some of that. My next thought was can I actually write a western? I had never tried before so there was only one way to find out.

The end result is a story called ‘Seeds’ it’s a mean tale of blood and revenge (aren’t they always).  I was stoked when Ron accepted it for publication and I was over the moon when I found out that Zelmer crew mate, Chuck Regan was doing the artwork to go along with my story. I can tell you that Chuck’s art is seriously awesome; but I leave it up to you to decide about my words.  

The Big Adios is a new site and it needs your support, so get along there and read, comment and if you feel like slinging a few words yourself, submit.

Seeds – The Big Adios    

Roadkill Review: Miles To Little Ridge - Heath Lowrance

I'll make no secret of the fact that Heath Lowrence is one of my favorite authors. His horror - western series featuring the enigmatic righter of wrongs, Hawthorne is right up there for me. Having enjoyed those books so much I was keen to see how Heath would handle a more traditional western so I picked up Miles To Little Ridge on the Kindle to find out.

Miles to Little Ridge continues the story of US Marshall Gideon Miles, who first appeared in the Cash Laramie stories written by Edward Grainger.

The Marshal has arrived in the sleepy Montana town of Little Ridge to arrest a wanted fugitive and bring him back to face trial. But he gets more than he bargained for from the town’s racist Sheriff and a couple of bungling outlaws with some long waited for revenge on their minds. Those who know Gideon Miles judge him by the speed of his hand and the depth of his character, while others who make the mistake of judging the man by the color of his skin rarely have the chance to regret it.

This is a great little tale chocked full of atmosphere. Heath’s writing simply never disappoints and I really enjoyed the wry humor he wove into the grit of this story.  In a time of back shooters and bushwhackers, Gideon Miles rides tall in the saddle and brings an honest to goodness hero back to the written page. If you want to know how a western should be told then read Miles to Little Ridge.

  CLICK To buy from Amazon.

Review – The Long Black Train

In case you missed it, that hard eyed righter of wrongs, Hawthorne is back for another ride through the way out weirdness of Heath Lowrance's wild west.

This time the gritty gunslinger is on the trail murderer, Bill Cobb, but he finds something far worse waiting for him on board the down bound ride to Santa Fe.

If you have read Hawthorne's first outing 'That Damned Coyote Hill' then 'The Long Black Train' is more of the same; a brilliant mix of noir western and gut wrenching horror. This tale sits somewhere between short story and novelette and is perfect to read while you sit gazing out at the torrential down pouring of a UK summer. (It's raining so hard here the animals are starting to pair up).

This non-stop express will take you all the way, so climb aboard and enjoy the ride, but don't sit next to the fat man!

Yours on the Kindle for a buck and change. Go on treat yourself: Amazon